Grief and Mental Health Crisis

The plea of a young man who lost his father highlights a silent struggle many endure: the crushing pain of grief intertwined with a profound mental health crisis. This article explores the connection between intense grief and mental health, provides expert insights and resources, and outlines ways to cope so that hope can be rekindled even in the darkest of times.

Vincent van Gogh’s “Sorrowing Old Man (At Eternity’s Gate)” (1890) depicts an elderly man overwhelmed by sorrow. Grief is a timeless, universal human experience. (Public domain image via Wikimedia Commons.)

A Growing Mental Health Crisis

Heartbreaking stories of grief are unfortunately not isolated cases. Across the world, many people are grappling with intense grief and trauma, contributing to a broader mental health crisis. In recent years, rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts have skyrocketed, especially among young adults.

According to a 2020 report by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), one in four people aged 18–24 said they had seriously contemplated suicide in the past 30 days. While the COVID-19 pandemic magnified mental health struggles, it only highlighted an existing problem.

Grief is one powerful trigger that can push someone into crisis. When we endure a devastating loss, it’s normal to experience intense sorrow. But if that grief is compounded by other stresses or traumas, the emotional burden can become overwhelming.

“Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity – the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” – Dr. Earl A. Grollman (Author and grief counselor)

Around the world, mental health helplines have reported record-high call volumes in recent years. This is a reminder that no one should have to struggle alone, and that reaching out can be a crucial first step in finding help.

The Weight of Grief: Why Loss Hurts So Much

Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something important to us. The death of a loved one is among the most painful types of loss one can experience. When someone who has been a foundation of our life is suddenly gone, it can feel like the ground beneath us has shattered.

Grief is not just an emotional experience; it’s also physical and cognitive. People in acute grief often report symptoms like:

• Profound sadness and crying spells
• Shock and disbelief
• Anger or irritability
• Guilt and regret
• Anxiety
• Physical symptoms like fatigue, aches, and trouble sleeping
• Difficulty concentrating

It’s important to know that there is no single “right” way to grieve and no fixed timeline. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s famous “five stages of grief” – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are often talked about as a framework, but in reality, grief is a wavering journey.

When multiple traumas occur in quick succession, psychologists sometimes call this “cumulative grief” or “bereavement overload”—when losses stack on top of each other, giving a person little time to recover.

Grief vs. Depression

It can be tricky to distinguish normal grief from clinical depression because they share many symptoms. In grief, sad feelings often come in waves tied to thoughts of the loss. In depression, the sadness and emptiness tend to be more constant and pervasive, accompanied by a sense of worthlessness.

However, grief can lead to depression. Statements like “I have no desire to continue living” are a major red flag that grief may have morphed into a mental health crisis requiring immediate intervention.

In 2021, the American Psychiatric Association officially added “Prolonged Grief Disorder” (PGD) to the DSM-5, recognizing that about 7-10% of bereaved people experience an unrelenting, life-impairing grief that persists longer than 12 months. People with PGD feel “stuck” in acute heartbreak and have trouble re-engaging in life.

(Note: Researchers at Columbia University’s Center for Prolonged Grief have developed therapy treatments specifically to help people with this condition.)

When Grief Triggers a Mental Health Crisis

Grief, even when immensely painful, is not a mental illness. It is a natural process that honors the love we had for the person who died. But grief can trigger mental health crises in several ways:

• Overwhelming Stress Response: Acute grief can lead to anxiety disorders or PTSD-like symptoms, especially if the death was sudden or traumatic.
• Depression and Hopelessness: Prolonged or intense grief can spiral into major depression, leading to feelings of hopelessness and suicidal ideation.
• Survivor’s Guilt: Feeling guilty for being alive when a loved one isn’t can fuel depression and self-loathing.
• Loss of Support System: If the deceased person was your primary source of emotional support, losing them can leave you isolated.
• Diminished Coping Reserves: Multiple crises can erode one’s resilience, making even small problems feel impossible to handle.

Warning signs that grief has become a full-blown mental health crisis include:

• Persistent suicidal thoughts or statements.
• Planning or fantasizing about self-harm.
• Complete withdrawal from others for an extended period.
• Inability to function in day-to-day life for a long time.
• Intense, unrelenting guilt or self-blame.
• Hallucinations or feelings of unreality.
• Escalating substance abuse to numb the pain.

If you or someone you know shows these signs, treat it as a crisis and seek professional help right away.

“There is a point at which grief can become something more dangerous — when a person becomes consumed by hopelessness or starts to believe their own life no longer has value. Those are alarm bells we must not ignore. With the right support and treatment, even the most intense grief can become bearable and people can find their way forward.” – Dr. Katherine Shear, Director of the Center for Prolonged Grief at Columbia University

Coping with Grief and Suicidal Thoughts: How to Find Support

It might seem impossible to ever feel okay again when you’re in the depths of grief. However, there are ways to cope and reasons to hold on. You will never “get over” a major loss, but you can learn to carry the grief in a way that allows you to live and find happiness again.

Here are some coping strategies and sources of support:

1. Acknowledge Your Grief and Feelings: Give yourself permission to mourn. It’s okay not to be okay. Letting feelings out in a safe way is healthier than bottling them up.

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you’ll learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

2. Stay Connected – You Are Not Alone: In grief, people often feel isolated. It’s crucial to stay connected with supportive people. Talk to trusted family members or friends, or consider joining a support group, either in-person or online.

3. If You Feel Overwhelmed, Seek Professional Help: If you cannot function day-to-day or have thoughts of suicide, please reach out to a mental health professional immediately. There is no shame in needing help. Teletherapy has made professional support more accessible than ever.

4. Use Healthy Outlets to Express and Memorialize: Find tangible ways to honor your loved one. Create a memory scrapbook, write them a letter, plant a tree, or volunteer for a cause they cared about. These acts can help you feel connected and give your life a renewed sense of purpose.

5. Take it One Day at a Time (or One Moment at a Time): Instead of focusing on “forever,” try to focus on just getting through today. Break your day into small, manageable tasks. Grief can be paralyzing, so small steps are okay.

6. Avoid Harmful Coping Mechanisms: Turning to alcohol, drugs, or other risky behaviors may bring temporary relief but ultimately makes things worse. Try to avoid making major life decisions in the immediate grief period.

7. Remember Your Loved One Would Want You to Live: In moments of despair, pause and think: What would my loved one genuinely want for me? In virtually every case, someone who loved you would want you to survive and find happiness again. Living can be a way to honor them.

8. Use Crisis Resources if Needed – You’re Not Burdening Anyone: If you are at the end of your rope, please use emergency resources. Crisis hotlines are staffed by trained individuals who want to help you.

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (Dial 988 in the US): Connect with a trained counselor 24/7. Online chat is also available at 988lifeline.org.
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (US & Canada) for 24/7 confidential support via text.
• Emergency Services: If you are in immediate danger, call 911 (or your local emergency number) or go to the nearest hospital.
• Worldwide Helplines Directory: Find a helpline in your country through the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) directory.

Finding Hope Again

The intensity of pain you feel after a loss is not a permanent state. Human beings have an incredible ability to adapt. You don't "get over" a loss, but you eventually learn how to carry it and still find moments of joy or purpose again.

Author Nora McInerny, who experienced multiple losses, explains that we don’t “move on” from grief but rather move forward with it, carrying our loved ones with us as we continue living.

Video: TED Talk – "We don't 'move on' from grief; we move forward with it" by Nora McInerny. (Click to watch on TED.com)

Mental health professionals also emphasize that post-traumatic growth is possible. Some people, after going through terrible experiences, report a new appreciation for life, increased compassion, or a new sense of purpose.

Conclusion: You’re Not Alone, and Help Is Available

While the grieving process is deeply personal, support is out there. If you are dealing with loss, take it day by day. Over time, the sharpest edges of grief usually soften. The person you lost will always be a part of you, and you can find ways to keep their memory alive.

Hold on to hope. As hopeless as you might feel right now, feelings can change. There are people who care about you and professionals who have dedicated their lives to helping others through times exactly like this. The pain of loss is one of the hardest things we endure, but with support, you can endure it—and eventually find meaning, love, and even joy again.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) about Grief and Mental Health

Q: Is it normal to have suicidal thoughts after a loved one’s death?
A: It’s not uncommon for someone who has experienced a devastating loss to feel so hopeless that they have thoughts of not wanting to live. Intense grief can cause extreme pain and momentarily make life seem pointless without your loved one. However, suicidal thoughts are a sign that you may need extra help and support. These thoughts should be taken very seriously. Having them doesn’t mean you will act on them – many people don’t – but it’s crucial to reach out to a mental health professional or crisis line if you are having such thoughts. With time and the right support, these feelings can pass. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal after a loss, contact a crisis hotline (like 988 in the US, or text 741741) and consider seeking therapy. You do not have to go through this alone, and there are people who want to help you keep safe.

Q: What’s the difference between grief and depression?
A: Grief and depression can look very similar, but there are some differences. Grief is a natural response to loss – it tends to come in waves and is often triggered by reminders of the person who died. In grief, you might still have moments of positive feelings or humor even while feeling sad (for example, you might laugh at a fond memory through your tears). Depression, on the other hand, is a clinical condition that is more persistent; it often includes a pervasive sense of worthlessness, negative thoughts about oneself, and often physical slowing down or inability to enjoy anything. In grief, your self-esteem is usually preserved (you don’t necessarily feel worthless – your sadness is about the loss). In depression, people often have very low self-worth or inappropriate guilt. That said, grief can trigger depression, and the two can coexist. If grief symptoms (intense sadness, low motivation, sleep/appetite changes) last most of the day for weeks or months on end and especially if one feels hopeless or suicidal, it may have transitioned into depression or complicated grief. It’s wise to seek a professional evaluation if you’re unsure.

Q: How long does grief last? Will I ever get over this loss?
A: There is no fixed timeline for grief. Every person and every loss is different. In general, intense acute grief tends to last for months. Many people find that over the course of the second year, their grief becomes more integrated into their life. However, you don’t stop missing the person you lost. You don’t exactly “get over” it. Instead, over a long time, you learn to live with the loss. The grief may become like a scar – a part of you, but not an open wound anymore. If your intense grief has not eased at all after a very long time (say, a year or more), or if it’s getting worse, you might be experiencing prolonged grief disorder and should seek help. But even people with prolonged grief can find healing with therapy.

Q: What are the “5 stages of grief”? Do I have to go through all of them?
A: The “5 stages of grief” is a model introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. The stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. While the model is famous, it’s not a strict roadmap. Not everyone experiences all five stages, and they don’t always occur in order. Think of the stages as common experiences many people have during grief, but not mandatory steps. Your grief journey is unique. Don’t worry if you don’t match the textbook model.

Q: When should someone seek professional help for grief?
A: It’s always okay to seek help. You should definitely seek professional help if:

• You have thoughts of suicide or self-harm.
• You are unable to function in daily life for an extended time.
• You’re using drugs or alcohol excessively.
• After several months, you feel no improvement or have gotten worse.
• You’re extremely isolated and have no one to talk to.
• You experience trauma symptoms (nightmares, flashbacks, constant anxiety).

These situations might indicate that your grief has become “complicated” or triggered other conditions. A mental health professional can help. Asking for help is a courageous and wise step.

Q: How can I help a friend who is grieving and possibly suicidal?
A: If you know someone who has had a terrible loss and is saying things like “I don’t want to live anymore,” here are some ways you can help:

• Reach out and listen: Be compassionate and present. Say things like “I’m here for you.”
• Encourage professional help: Strongly encourage them to call a crisis line or see a therapist. Offer to sit with them while they call.
• Don’t leave them alone if crisis is imminent: If you believe the risk of self-harm is high, stay with them and seek emergency help.
• Help with day-to-day things: Offer practical help like bringing meals, helping with chores, or driving them to appointments.
• Be patient and keep checking in: Grief is a long process. Continue to check in on your friend over the long term.

Q: Where can I find additional resources on coping with grief and mental health?
A: There are many excellent resources available:

• Books: “On Grief and Grieving” by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler, “It’s OK That You’re Not OK” by Megan Devine.
• Websites/Organizations: HelpGuide, WhatsYourGrief.com, GriefShare, The Dougy Center, and NAMI.
• Hotlines: In the US, call or text 988 or text HOME to 741741.
• Therapy: PsychologyToday’s Therapist Finder can help you find a counselor specializing in grief.
• Online Communities: Forums like r/GriefSupport on Reddit can be comforting.
• Podcasts/Videos: The TED Talk by Nora McInerny, podcasts like “Terrible, Thanks for Asking,” or the documentary project “Speaking Grief” can help you feel understood.