Sexual Harassment in Academia

My Professor [mid30s M] groped me [20F] and offered a better grade for sex

**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/professorgroped** **My Professor [mid30s M] groped me [20F] and offered a better grade for sex.** **Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!sexual harassment, sexual assault, descriptions of sexual assault, abuse of authority, extortion and blackmail!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Horrific but ending is positive!< [Original Post - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bmdhse/my_professor_mid30s_m_groped_me_20f_and_offered_a/) **May 9, 2019** I’m sorry I’m very distressed, this just happened and I don’t know what to do. I’m also scared that he uses reddit and might see this. Disclaimer: I’m on mobile and this is a throwaway. I’m an undergrad in my 2nd year of classes, and this semester is the first time I’ve had this professor. He seemed like a really nice guy and I approached him after the first or second class to talk to him. He was really nice and answered a lot of my questions and we even chatted casually for a bit. At the end of our chat, he wrote down his phone number and handed it to me and said to message him whenever. I was ecstatic because I really struggle in my major and I felt like he was investing in me. Over time he would message me about random things, and even from time to time he would message me if I hadn’t turned it a homework assignment or if I hadn’t come to class a particular day. I asked around and he hasn’t done this for any other students. He has given his phone number to some other students, but they are all in the internship at his other job that he is the supervisor of. He would sometimes flirt with me, and at first I thought the special attention was nice and would flirt back. He would sometimes have me stay after class or ask me to come back if I had left frequently. It’s always been vague or subtle, never truly direct until recently. My finals are next week, and I admit, I’m not doing the greatest in his class. I will pass but with a C if I do well on this final. I had asked him if there was any extra credit was available. He then asked me what I was willing to do. I said I would do pretty much anything to get my grade up, and he then began to make some subtle references continuously as the conversation went on. He never stated over text explicitly what he wanted. Today, class ended early and I headed back to my dorm. He then messaged me and asked if I still wanted to make that plea for extra credit. I said that I still wanted it and was waiting for him to tell me what opportunities he had for me. He said something generic so I asked if he wanted me to come back ( like I’ve done previously). He said yes. When I got to the classroom he asked if I was truly willing to do anything and if I was willing to go down that route. I was nervous but I still felt nice having that “special attention” and I stupidly said yes. He essentially offered that I would have a good grade in the class if I sent him explicit pictures of myself and if I would “go back somewhere with him” sometime. I agreed to the photos, and after I had sent a few he asked to see them himself. I thought he just wanted me to flash him. He told me to go to the back of the classroom, so no one could see me from the window in the door. He then locked it and stood between me and the door and my backpack. This is when I started to regret being there and was scared of what he might do. He asked me to take off my shirt. I did, and he touched my boobs, then he asked to see my butt and took pull down my pants, he touched, and then my vagina, which he also touched. I said I wasn’t comfortable doing anything else and he let me go. He asked if I was free tonight and I said I was busy with a friend and he left. The gravity and the weight didn’t really hit me until after and now I feel really gross. I had joked with my friends that this might happen but I never truly thought it actually would. I feel so uncomfortable. I’m also scared to file anything because he’s grading a large project soon and he’ll be grading my final. This class is in my major and I really don’t want him to take any anger out on me. I’m also scared because he has never explicitly stated that he was willing to trade sex for my grade over text, he only did it in person. Do I really have any evidence at all? How do I prove that he touched me? This is such a small department too, that I’m scared everyone will know it was me. Please, any advice for what I should do? Edit: I forgot to mention that I realized the number he gave me is a google voice number and not his actual cell number. He’s only been contacting me through that. Does this mean he’s been planning this from the start? tl;dr : My professor groped me and offered to trade sex for bonus points. What should I do? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **TheGlitchRM** > Steps to follow / What i would do: > > 1. Gather anything that can be used as proof < > 2. Dont spread the word about it in your college since the teacher might hear about it and go defensive mode / plan something. > > 3. Ask for appointments to the counselor and dean about a very sensitive topic, you dont have to say on email what it's about if you dont want to but giving an idea of what its about might be good since they will take you in asap as an urgent matter. > > 4. With a copy of all the proof show it to the dean and counselor and explain what happened verbally too. > >5. Comply with the college, if you arent happy with the result go to the PD. > > EVERY SECOND MATTERS! > > MOST IMPORTANTLY DO NOT GIVE IN! A valid point you can make is that the teacher purpusfully lowered your grades in order to make you the offer. > > All schools and colleges have extremely effective and harsh punishments about this kind of stuff. You will be fine. **OOP** >>Thank you so much. Do you think it would be alright to wait until morning? I feel really gross and it’s already been so hectic. And I’m still scared and I know how much this will ruin his life. I know I shouldn’t feel bad but I feel really really bad about that too. **FNG1001** >>> Do not go to a professor or dean. Go directly to the Title IX Coordinator at your school and file a report. >>> >>> Many staff who are mandatory reporters fail to understand their duty, at worst they will tip off the Respondent before you make it to Title IX. File the report and if you need proof otherwise you can supplement the report later. It is important to get yourself protected from retaliation and further harassment. The Title IX office will be able to protect you in that regard. Update: Thank you to everyone who has been incredibly kind and has sent messages to see how I’m doing. I do have a support system in place and they’ve been incredibly helpful. I’ve documented the event and emailed it to myself. I’m at the very least going to file a complaint in the Title IX office. I told someone else in my class and we compared some of our tests and noticed I lost a lot of points where he lost few or none at all. Also we noted that in my final project I was paired with a student who was supposed to fail the class and given a week later start than everyone else. I’ve written these down and documented this as well. The Professor has continued to message me, and I’ve been replying to keep his suspicions that I might report off of me. I also just wanted to let some of the meaner comments know: I am not saying I was raped in any capacity. I did fail to say no when he began touching me, but I never said yes and I was in a situation where it was incredibly hard for me to say no until it became far far too much. I agreed to photos and for him to see, not to anything else. I’ll update once I go through the process of reporting. Thank you to everyone who has given their input and given me their strength. [Update - rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/j3e2ww/update_my_professor_mid30s_m_groped_me_20_f_and/) **Oct 1, 2020 (17 months later)** Hi everyone, it’s been about almost 2 years since I posted but I wanted to give an update for anyone who cares or had been in a similar situation. I ended up going to Title IX office at my university and they were incredibly helpful. They helped me every step of the way and still continue to assist me when I have difficulties in my classes or in life. They helped me contact the police and begin an investigation. The professor was immediately fired from his position at the university and from his other job. (He was the head of an internship at a company that was popular with students.) He was found to be purposefully sabotaging my grade and coercing me into sex. Several other girls also came forward and confirmed similar had happened to them. My department head was less than helpful, and even asked me not to speak about it to anyone to avoid damaging the reputation of the school. I’m in a male dominated department and honestly I didn’t expect much. I haven’t spoken to any reporters or lawyers about the situation, and I’m unsure if I ever will. I don’t have any updates on the investigation, I haven’t been to trial and it’s been a debate in my own mind if I would even want to. I’ve had a restraining order filed and I try to move on and heal. I still have difficulty trusting male professors and get a lot of anxiety at the thought of being alone with them. Academic stress really triggers the trauma of the situation I was in, so school can be doubly difficult for me. It’ll take me an extra year to graduate at this point but I try not to beat myself up over it. The university has given me free therapy through their health center and I’ve been in it for almost a year and a half. The healing process takes time but I’m happy I’m growing as a person. It’s a terrible situation I was a victim in, but it’s my responsibility to heal from it. He robbed me of a lot of my security, but he won’t take any more from me. I will take it back one day. If you are ever in a situation where a professor is making you uncomfortable: TELL SOMEONE. I began by speaking with my friends, and they were the ones who recommended Title IX. You are not alone. It’s not your fault. You are not dirty or gross. You are a student. They are the ones in power. They should know better. My dms are open for anyone who ever has questions or needs help. I wish the best for you. You are strong. You are capable. You will get through this. TLDR; My professor groped me and tried pressuring me into sex for a better grade. An investigation ensued and he was fired. I’m healthier and better and healing. **FINAL COMMENTS** **czhunc** > Thank you for the update, and for coming forward. I'm glad that there were resources available, and that some people were helpful even if others were not. > > I'm glad the asshole is gone, and I hope he's never in a position of power that he can abuse again. Good luck with your continued journey. **OOP** >>Thank you so much. It feels a little like justice. But I try to get closure on my own rather than spare any thoughts to him. **~** **ANewFoe** >I'm glad for this update and that he lost his job but please reconsider not going to the police. This dude deserves to be punished for being such a piece of human garbage. **OOP** >>I did! Within the first few days the Title IX lawyer actually came with me to file the report. They haven’t contacted me with any update since a year ago though, so I’ve no clue where the investigation is now. **catastrophicmeows** >>> If this school is in the USA, your county likely has a victim advocacy agency that can act as a liaison between you and the police to get those updates, it’s your right as a victim to be informed throughout that process. RAINN may also be able to help connect you to these services by routing your call to your local sexual assault agency (800-656-HOPE). >>> >>> Hope this info is help in case you want to hear more about what happened with the criminal case :) **OOP** >>>>I might just do that! Thank you for the helpful info! **~** **KilgoreTrrout** > I work in Title IX and I’m so glad to hear that the Title IX Office at your institution was helpful! I know sometimes Title IX gets a bad rap, but I and everyone else I know who works in Title IX really cares about helping students. I’m glad they were a good support system for you. **OOP** >> I was surprised by how helpful they were. They didn’t shame me or make me feel uncomfortable. They were 100% supportive of any action I wanted to take. >> >> Even when they reviewed the evidence (texts, tests, assignments, other students reports) they always made sure to emphasize that my comfort and privacy was above all. The efforts they made and still make for my sake have made a world of difference. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** **DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7**