Viral Online Drama (Relationship/Workplace/Social)
Reddit Posts (20)
A man scared my friend at the gym, then looked aghast when I did it to him a week later
Edit: Omigosh, thank you all so much for your support, I didn’t expect so many replies! I would beat up any dude for you 😭😭 Edit 2: Why do I go to this gym still? My longtime Zumba instructor teaches classes here - I no longer do my lifting at this gym after everything that happened, but I didn’t think it was important to the story. —- I am a regular at my gym and have made lots of casual friends there, men and women. A year or so ago, my best friend joined me and we had a lot of fun lifting together. One day, I’m doing kettlebell work and she’s catching her breath after her set. A 60+ year old man who is an acquaintance of mine decided to walk up behind her, slap his hands down on her shoulders and shouted GET BACK TO WORK! It was like seeing it in slow-motion - I couldn’t put the weights down fast enough to stop him. She yelled out because first of all, what the fuck - but worse is she’s a victim of domestic abuse! Her ex husband broke her back in THREE places!! The trauma of that? Holy shit. I immediately pulled her into my arms while dude just walked away thinking himself soooo funny. We immediately ended our workout because she was understandably upset and not in the mood to be there anymore. I wanted to scream at him, but my focus was on keeping her calm. Now, I’m 5’6” and 200lbs of muscle AND fat. I tend to wear pigtails and bows to the gym cuz I’m just ✨a girl✨. But I’m a girl that will fuck you up if you mess with my friends. I will kick your ass while my bows dance in the wind. A week or so later, I spot the guy facing away from me. I walk up to him and slap my hands down on his shoulders just as hard (maybe a liiiitle harder) as he did to my friend and shouted “GET BACK TO WORK!!” Ladies, I wish you could have seen his face. He turned around like he’d seen a goddamn ghost! He was SO AGHAST that I did that! His expression said “what in the actual FUCK?!?” so I smiled sweetly at him and skipped off to the squat bar. Unfortunately, this was not the only instance of my friend being harassed there and she eventually cancelled her memebership :( she works out in her home gym now! Anyway, moral of the story: keep your fucking hands your yourself.
My(21F) boyfriend(24M) has been THROWING AWAY the lunches I cooked for him for 1.5 YEARS! I feel humiliated, embarrassed and slightly upset. What do about that?
**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwawayshtcook** **My(21F) boyfriend(24M) has been THROWING AWAY the lunches I cooked for him for 1.5 YEARS! I feel humiliated, embarrassed and slightly upset. What do about that?** **Originally posted to r/relationship_advice** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/V214fzXnPI) **Dec 26, 2021** Pre-Covid, my boyfriend worked about an hour away from home. I always woke up at 5:30am so I could pack him fresh lunch before he left at 6:10am. I packed for him because he was having some rough time at work and I knew he didn't get along with a lot of the people there. I did this 6 times a week for a year and a half. Now, near covid, he got promoted and a month-ish after that, work went online so I didn't have to pack for him. Recently, I've become friends with one of the gals at the office, and we call each other now and then. During our conversation (christmas call) yesterday, I found out something shocking. My boyfriend had been eating work lunch (lunch the job provides) instead of my lunches. I asked her how long he had been eating in the job cafeteria, and she told me from his card logs he's been eating there, everyday, for a year and a half. She said that the card provided lunch, and when he got lunch, it would notify her machine and there has been notifications everyday for the ENTIRE time I've packed for him. (**edit** fyi I didn't ask for her to snoop on the logs, I didn't even know she had the logs. It was just a natural flow in the conversation to ask "how long was he doing that?" after she told me "he's been doing it for a while". when I said "for me" I meant she did it because she was invested in the situ and she said "I looked it up so you can know, but ..." , not because I told her to) I got off the call FUMING. I cooked at 5:30am 6 DAYS A WEEK for him and he THREW IT AWAY. Then, my rage turned to humiliation(?) idk, I felt so embarrassed that he hated my food so much that he would eat work lunch instead, now I feel betrayed because he could have been honest, but he wasn't. He would always bring his empty lunch bag home and tell me "xyz was pretty good" and stuff like that, but I know he has never eaten my food before. My friend said there was no area to eat aside the cafeteria and that he never brought food there. I feel like shit, I prided myself in being a good girlfriend and cooking for him but now I know that meant nothing... What do I do? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **N0_ah_47** >Wtf? So he couldn't tell you he doesn't want your lunch? Dafuq is wrong with him. Absolutely right to be angry. **OOP** >>I know, my anger isn't from not liking my lunches, which you know, he can totally just tell me, but from NOT telling me anything. I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me which made him not want to tell me. **~** **i-Ake** > From his card logs? So you got her to go look up this info during your Christmas call... or she just already knew that info, which seems weird for a human to just *know*? Just wondering how this came to be. > > I would ask him whether he really has been eating them. Maybe there are factors you don't know about, or yes, maybe he was afraid to tell you. That sucks, especially with all of the work you did. Sometimes people think the stupid things matter and ignore the important parts, thinking they are doing a nice thing. > > I think talking to him about it before getting wrapped up in hypotheticals is best course here. **OOP** >> She's the secretary/office manager and she makes sure no one uses the cards for something their not supposed to. I think she kept her work phone with had a record of everything and she kinda snooped in it for me >> >> Yup, I'm going to wait till he's not busy and confront him about it. Till then, I'm just going to be slightly paranoid... I'll update his response **commenter** >>>She could be fired for that. Also did he ever ask you to make his lunch for him every day or did you just do it? It seems like he was afraid to tell you the truth about a fairly simple thing and based on your reaction I’m understanding that a bit. Even though he is 3 years older than you and should’ve been mature about confronting you, if he never even asked you to do it to begin with I could see what that’s a little awkward. Also that you’re so close to his colleagues that you’re video chatting is a bit more than I’d be comfortable with but that’s just me. **OOP** >>>> He complained a lot about having to eat with people he hated, so I just started making food for him. But, I chose to make food for him. >>>> >>>> Also, I didn't ask for her to snoop on his logs, I asked her since she seemed like she knew and she chose to tell me the logs on her work phone. I didn't ask her to check up on anything but she told me. >>>> >>>> I don't think he's too uncomfortable about me knowing his work friend because he would sometimes pitch in out conversation or bring down some gifts they would give me, but who knows **Maybe he's eating 2 lunches?** >Not really a big guy, but he's not skinny. He has a healthy appetite but I think it's humanly impossible to eat the whole ass lunch (which is pretty filling) right after breakfast. and me too, I'm bamboozled / madboozled **And this comment containing what OOP makes** >......He rides the subway and it's prohibited from eating on the subway (also I have a hard time imagining him eating on the commute my soups and pastas and eating so much right after breakfast, which I make sure is filling) **Update:** He did throw away his lunch (yes, the entire time) He did it because he had to fit in and he ate with the other workers (who ate the cafeteria food) and that's why he got to smooch his way to a promotion. He said that the office environment was pretty "cliquey" and he didn't want to ostracize himself by eating "special lunches" He didn't tell me because he thought at first it would be a short term thing, then he said he didn't want to put me down and sound ungrateful so he just kept pushing it back until I found out. He said he would have told me sooner or later but I'm pissed He did "sometimes" eat my lunch coming back from work, but often times he would throw it away or give it to the stray animals near the park outside our home. But i feel like he's just saying that to make the situation sound better because he said it after he told me he never ate my lunches [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/CtMXwPdM9u) **Dec 27, 2021** Y'all I was ready to make my decision, and I told him to tell me anything he was not telling me beforehand and he told me something pretty deal breaking (I mean, this is a man who couldn't tell me he didn't like my food so a huge debt was "too big to talk about" lol). I mean, we weren't in the best situ but yeah, he had some other issues and I'm not dealing with that. He can go to a therapist to sort out whatever issues he has if he wants to; its better for him anyway. It's a win win to everyone in the comments: 1) People who told me he was a no-no: win (break up) 2) People who told me I was a cray-cray: win (break up) also made this lil collage lol. https://imgur.com/a/aH7SNWM ***The collage is made up of horrible comments being OOP's fault, bad cook or a bad gf*** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** **DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7**
To the Target employee today who refuses to let me save the Mexican guy $70. F U.
So I was just hanging around the electronics section of TARGET grossmont when I noticed a person buying a Nintendo switch 2 for his kid. It was $500 and he was checking out but the cashier said they needed to get a manager because it was cash so while we waited, I told him that the NintendoSwitch 2 WITH the Mario kart game is actually $450 on targets app. The store employee said “well he needs to tell me that not you.” Then she said that he needs to pull it up on his phone and show her. so I tried to help him download the Target app, but there was poor reception in the area. The employee was acting very inconvenience saying OK now I have to go and walk over get the other one (the bundle). I even let the “guy I was helping” know that he can actually buy gift cards and take advantage of their 10% off promotion right now to get it for even cheaper. But the employee said if I did that then she would consider it a potential scam and not sell it. So the employee then finally said she can’t price match it because the price on the app says “see price in cart”. I said OK I will just order it for order pick up then she said “well your gonna have to wait 2 hours then”. I asked the guy if that’s ok and he said yeah sure he loves nearby. I put the guy name down. He handed me the cash and two hours later he picked it up. So that guy not only saved $50, AND got the Mario Kart game, He also got 5% off with my red card discount. So he ended up paying $463 with Tax opposites to the $530 he was about to pay (without the MK world game) But am I the asshole??? EDIT: guys I voice to text this really quickly, I didn’t anything bad when I referred to him as “the Mexican” I just wanted to distinguish who I was referring to in as little words as possible. Yes I should have said “guy I was helping” but I didn’t. Sorry damn lol
WIBTA if I refused to shave my armpits for my friends wedding?
BACKGROUND: So I (26f) stopped shaving my armpits a few years ago and found that I greatly prefer not having bald armpits. I'm a sweaty person, and having hair prevents my pits from getting swampy and sweating off every single deodorant/antiperspirant known to mankind. I also have sensitive skin and get horrible rashes and razor burn from shaving. My decision to not shave my armpits is primarily personal, but I am aware that it is going against a societal/gender norm, and is therefore inherently political or subject to being politicized. Under no circumstances though am I refusing to shave solely to make a political statement. ISSUE: My friends are getting married next summer, and they've invited me to their wedding. It's also a destination wedding, and many of the wedding party events will involve wearing a swimsuit or clothes that expose my armpit hair, as it will be summer in Mexico. I asked about dress codes for the various events, and both the bride and groom said they won't be strict about dress codes as long as everyone is "well groomed." I figured I knew what that meant considering I do work a professional job, but then they took this conversation as an opportunity to warn me that some other wedding guests may be uncomfortable with the fact I dont shave. I reminded them that they invited me to this wedding with the full knowledge that I dont shave my armpits, as it's not exactly a secret. They said that they assumed I shaved for special events where I needed to "look presentable." I said I always look presentable for special occasions and that shaving my armpits has nothing to do with it. If people take issue with it, then that's their problem. Now they are accusing me of trying to take attention away from their wedding by making a political statement. I told them I'm not doing that at all and that I dont shave because its a personal preference, but ultimately got a "whatever you say" as a response. They have not at this point said I cant go if I dont shave, so I'm planning on going and not shaving. WIBTA for doing that? Again, they know I don't shave and haven't for years. I wasn't even thinking about my armpit hair until they brought it up. I even said I can trim it a little and they said "it would still be very distracting." I've also explained to them my skin sensitivity, but they seem dead set on believing I dont shave to make a statement. They've said "well you're a feminist so there's no way it's not a political statement." They're making me feel like an asshole, that's for sure, but am I REALLY the asshole?
AITA For Laughing About a Pretend Allergy?
**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [recalcitrant\_scribe](https://www.reddit.com/user/recalcitrant_scribe/). They posted in r/AITAH Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec! # Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. **Mood Spoiler:** >!honestly just kind of weird!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1p9yybc/aita_for_laughing_about_a_pretend_allergy/)**: November 29, 2025** Parents gave up wanting responsibilities for Thanksgiving meal about five years ago. My house is big enough to host and I enjoy cooking so for the past three years the duties have fallen to me. I make the turkey, the stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy and rolls. Others bring sides and things like chips and drinks. This year, my brother and his wife came into town early and stayed over. Thanksgiving, mid- morning my sister-in-law wanders into the kitchen while I'm making stuffing. She sees my pile of bread crumbs/celery/onion/sausage in a bowl and me sautéing mushrooms. She says, "What are THOSE for?" I told her they were for the stuffing. She put her hands on her hips and said, freaking out, "You can't put mushrooms in the stuffing. I'm allergic!" I was stupefied. I said, "When did this happen?" And she just looked at me like I was an idiot so I said, "When did you discover you're allergic to mushrooms?" She scoffed and said, "I've *always* been allergic." Now the thing is, when I make my stuffing I like things to be well incorporated, and I always chop the mushrooms small after I sauté them. So they're not actually apparent in the mix as mushrooms among the other ingredients. I burst out in a laugh and said, "Well, that's interesting, because you weren't allergic last year. And you weren't allergic the year before." She asked me what I meant, and I told her I'd been making stuffing like this every year she's eaten it, and furthermore she's raved over it, and had *zero* allergic reaction. So maybe she's not allergic. Maybe she just thinks she doesn't like mushrooms. She got pissed and went to my brother to tell him, and she told him she wanted to leave, but he wanted to stay. So she spent the entire rest of the day shooting daggers at me with her eyes. They were supposed to stay through the weekend but they left Thanksgiving night. I confided in my mom and my sister yesterday and they kind of chuckled and said it's not my fault, but my brother texted me this morning that I could have just not used the mushrooms, and that I made his wife feel stupid for no reason. I maintain I didn't *make* her feel anything. AITAH? ***Some of OOP's Comments:*** **Dry-Novel2523:** It's completely possible the stuffing gave her the shits or cramps and she just thought it was from the amount of food. Not all allergic reactions are anaphylaxis shock. >**OOP:** She's never given any indication the food gave her anything but pleasure. No cramps or illnesses. Ready to drink and party the past two years at a friend's game party Thanksgiving night. *To another commenter:* No reactions that I can tell. She has, for the past few years, gone to game night Thanksgiving night. She feels well enough to drink my brother under the table. No reaction the next day, either. Just more stuffing and gravy leftovers. **V-Avesta:** NTA. I believe it’s the responsibility of the one with allergies to inform others of their condition. It should have been brought up on the first dinner with her. However, I caution against dismissing her allergy as “fake” without more info. Food allergies don’t always come with immediate reactions. In my case, I get diarrhea the next day after ingesting my allergen. It took me months to discover my allergy due to similar misconception. >**OOP:** We've got a kid in the family with multiple allergies to various nuts. She knows this, and that we are careful about it. I felt like if she was allergic she would have said. *OOP adds:* She's never claimed any reaction to the stuffing. No mention of it by my brother. No warning about the presumably years-long allergy. **EntertheOcean:** I also developed allergies in my 20s that I did not have previously. The struggle of trying to get people to believe me was insane. However, NTA as OP didn't know and has been making the same recipe for years without comment >**OOP:** Yeah. It's why I asked her about when it happened. I have a friend who is allergic to shellfish. Went from being able to eat shrimp to full blown throat closing symptoms within about 6 months. *OOP adds:* >I have never tried to trick her. The recipe is my grandmother's. We have been eating it forever. The only thing I do differently is make the vegetables in it fairly uniform. My sister-in-law has eaten it since they were engaged. Pretty sure my brother knows/knew what's in it. **SummitJunkie7:** NTA. She could just not eat the stuffing. And if she really believes she has an allergy "you ate this last year and the year before, did you have an adverse reaction?" is important medical information, so you were right to tell her. If what she does with that information is feel stupid and throw fits, that's on her. >**OOP:** She doesn't just eat the stuffing, traditionally, she goes in for seconds, and then for a midnight snack covered with gravy. **Nightmare\_Gerbil:** At the very least, green bean casserole will have mushrooms. >**OOP:** It just occurred to me after this and another post. We have that, too. I feel like she eats it. Is it possible she doesn't realize it also has mushrooms? *OOP adds one more comment:* >Non-lethal allergies *do* exist. But she yelled at me, and said she's always been allergic. She never once before indicated to anyone ion the family she was allergic to mushrooms, and through these posts I've realized she's also been eating the green bean casserole in fairly large quantities, which *also* has mushrooms. It's like she never ate a Thanksgiving meal before and never bothered to ask what was in the food? If I had an allergy or intolerance I would be asking. And I think it's an over-reach when people say I mocked her. I laughed. Because I was surprised. **Update (Same Post): November 30, 2025 (Next Day)** UPDATE: First, thanks everyone, even those of you who said I was TAH. You gave me a lot to think about. Just got off the phone with my brother and I’m sitting here with a beer, truly at a loss for words but here goes: He admitted that my SIL, **who has been eating my stuffing (and my sister’s green bean casserole, this has been verified)** for a few Thanksgivings now did not know there were mushrooms in either. Neither has she ever told ANYONE- not my brother, (her husband) not my mother, sister, me, of any allergies before now, **because she doesn’t have any.** Apparently, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around this, she has, like, a *phobia*, I guess you would call it?Maybe that's not the right word- but, after watching a TikTok video about some edible mushrooms growing on dead skin on feet, or in human bodies, she believes she can be infected by eating them. He tried assuring her it wouldn’t happen, but she cited other videos she’s watched about spores, etc. including the show The Last of Us, which he explained is fiction created from a video game, but she swears it is based on fact and still possible. I feel like we have bigger problems here than stuffing. I have encouraged him to try to get her to see a doctor to talk about this. ***One of OOP's Comments:*** *To a longer comment:* >Phobias are real. She's very resistant to seeking therapy.
Are my husband and I A-holes for wanting Christmas morning to be just us and our kids?
Hubby (40) and I (41) have three children 10, 8, and 5. We have a tradition of the kids waking up to find gifts around the tree and spending morning opening them. We sip coffee while we watch the joy and paper fly. Then as I work on tidying the chaos, my husband makes breakfast. After this my parents stop by for an hour and we finish day at relatives. Mother-in-law gets a day with us and husbands siblings that is determined by everyone’s schedules. Usually within a day or two of the actual holiday. We will spend most of the day there visiting and having a meal. Mother-in-law is not fulfilled by this though. She wants to come spend Christmas morning at our house watching the kids open Santa gifts. She is big on guilt trips and makes comments on how she misses the chaos. She has been posting leading stories, obviously directed at us, about lonely cold left out grandparents on Christmas. She is not alone. For most of our children’s lives she had her husband, and now she has moved on to a boyfriend. Definitely not waking up alone. We don’t have a close relationship. She is difficult and we are very different personalities. There has been tension the past few years over an incident that has pushed us even further apart. She can go months without calling and asking about the kids. We just want our Christmas morning to be ours. We have both always pictured it to be this way. She can stop by after if she would like. We would honestly prefer she didn’t beings we will be spending time with her within a day or two and don’t enjoy her company. So are we A-holes for keeping Christmas morning to ourselves?
My girlfriend of 10 years said she needed more time when I proposed to her. AITAH for checking out of my relationship ever since?
**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/LeastAnts** **Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes & r/AmITheJerk** **My girlfriend of 10 years said she needed more time when I proposed to her. AITAH for checking out of my relationship ever since?** **Thanks to u/SloshingSloth, u/thethrowawaytrim, & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU** **Trigger Warnings:** >!infidelity!< ---- [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/ZNFBCU5HS4): **June 19, 2024** My girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) have been dating for 10 years. Prior to dating, we were close friends. We have known each other for almost 17 years now. Last month, I proposed to her and she said she needed some more time to get her life in order. The whole thing shocked me. She apologized, and I told her it was ok. However, I have been checking out of my relationship ever since she said no. As days pass, I am slowly falling out of love with her and she has probably noticed it. I have stopped initiating date nights, sex, and she has been pretty much initiating everything. She has asked me many times about proposing, and she has said she’s ready now, but I told her I need more time to think about it. She has assured me many times that we are meant to be together and that she wants me to be her life partner forever. We live together in an apartment but our lease is expiring in a couple of months. I don’t really plan on extending it, and I am probably going to break up with her then. AITAH? **Relevant / Top Comments** **Commenter 1:** If you're sure about breaking up, do it now. > **OOP:** Ok I will let her know tomorrow. We have our ten year anniversary on Friday and she said she has planned something really special for me the whole day, so I will let her know before then. **Commenter 2:** Did you and your girlfriend have a discussion about marriage before you proposed? > **OOP:** Yes, I did go ring shopping with her a few months ago to pick out her ring. To be honest, I'm feeling a bit depressed about everything so I just want to block this out from my memory. **Commenter 3:** You’ve know each other since you were 8 You’ve been dating since you were 15 This is the old lady in me talking, but neither of you have experienced much else than each other. Yes, talk to each other. Others have said this, but you really need to work this out. It’s very possible that breaking up is the best thing for both of you. You’re both still young. Don’t decide to get married just because you’ve put in the time. **Commenter 4:** I agree with the other comments that not communicating any of this until your lease is up is a dick move. It's bad enough you'll both be experiencing adulthood without the other for the first time but you have a huge advantage by knowing you need to prepare ahead of time. Leaving her in the dark is cruel, and undeserved since it sounds like all she did was not accept a seemingly surprise proposal. &nbsp; [I want to break up with my fiancée and pursue a relationship with her sister after she kissed me at Thanksgiving last night. AITJ?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/ixAOfKcpFl): **November 29, 2025 (17 months later)** So I (26M) am engaged to my fiancée (26F). We’ve been together for 11 years. Our biggest relationship difficulty happened last year when I proposed and she rejected me (you can check my previous post for more details). That was genuinely the worst moment of my life. Even though she apologized in the days and weeks after and said she panicked and that she did want to marry me, I was very close to ending things. Eventually I stayed, and a few months later I proposed again and she said yes immediately and was super happy about it. But it’s always been in the back of my mind, how she rejected and humiliated me when I first proposed to her. So my fiancée has a sister (27F). The three of us grew up almost like a trio. Growing up though, I was always closer to her sister. She always reminded me of my own sister who passed when she was 10. She asked me out once in middle school and again in freshman year of high school. But I always saw her like a sister, and in sophomore year I started dating my fiancée (her sister). She was nothing but supportive, and was genuinely happy for us. So yeah Thanksgiving was yesterday. I was invited, I’m close with her parents too, and we all drank, laughed, talked. Late at night my fiancée’s sister asked if we could go to another room to talk. We were both drunk, reminiscing about old memories, and she kissed me. And I didn’t stop it. The worst part was that I’ve never felt anything like that before. It wasn’t butterflies, I literally felt like white sparks behind my eyes and this deep feeling in my chest. It felt like my heart skipped or something, like a heart murmur. It hit me so hard that even now, just thinking about it, I can feel that heart murmur. I asked her today if she regretted what we did, and she said, “Not at all” and that she was just shooting her shot one last time and would respect my decision my either way, and also admitted that if I did choose her it would likely destroy her bond with her sister and also the family dynamics, but she said it would be worth it for me. So yeah I know it’s horrible but I’m just thinking about so many emotional moments my fiancée’s sister and I have shared, like when she was there for me during my worst moments, including sleeping in a hospital chair for 3 days straight after I had a major accident. She asked me out back when I was overweight, shy, and had zero confidence. I only started dating my fiancée after a huge weight loss transformation which took almost a year, but her sister never cared about any of that physical stuff. She’s always been super loyal. And that kiss, I can’t lie, I’ve never felt like that ever in my life. Would it be wrong to end the engagement? I’m not delusional about the consequences, I feel sick and nauseous even thinking about the fall out, and the ruined family dynamics. But I would never have even thought about entertaining this if my fiancee hadn’t rejected my proposal last year, ever since then it’s always been at the back of my mind. **Top Comments** **Commenter 1:** You already have your answer. And to be honest, your fiancee deserves better too. Its not like you would never see her sister again if you stay with your fiancee, which would likely turn into an affair sooner or later. I dont have to tell you how fucked up all of this is, but at least be kind enough to let your fiancee go to heal from this and find someone that feels sparks while kissing her. Also be ready for a massive backlash for both of you from family and friends. **Commenter 2:** You and her sister are horrible people, so in that way you’re perfect for each other. Also, have the guts to own what you’re doing and what you’re about to do instead of trying to blame your fiancée for your disgusting behavior. “Well if my fiancée hadn’t turned down my marriage proposal the first time, I wouldn’t be cheating on her with her sister! And I wouldn’t be about to tear her family apart by leaving her for her sister! It’s all HER fault!” Clearly your fiancée was right to tell you no the first time, her mistake was saying yes when you asked again. &nbsp; [Update: I want to break up with my fiancée and pursue a relationship with her sister after she kissed me at Thanksgiving last night. AITJ?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/S6Mu6QHKSG): **December 1, 2025 (two days later)** Hey, so only posting this update because a lot of people were asking for an update. This will be my final update. So yeah sadly I don’t have a great update. I broke up with my fiancee yesterday and yeah she was expectedly shocked, and sort of panicking etc. I felt horrible seeing her cry like that and seeing that reaction, and she kept asking why and I told her that I just don’t think we’re meant to be together and that she deserves someone far better than me. She was kind of wailing and stuff and it broke my heart. So obviously both our families are shocked, especially because we just had Thanksgiving and they asked a lot of questions about the wedding and our future plans and even baby names etc, so yeah everyone’s pretty shocked, I didn’t really want it become this big a drama but it sadly has become a huge drama and everyone is speculating what happened. I met my fiancée’s sister last night for dinner and we both realized the gravity of the situation. We spoke at length, and I told her we should probably take some space and take it slow maybe wait a few months and she said she was willing to wait however long. She recommended that we can move to a different state. We both work remote, so that works in our favor, and we can choose any state we like. I asked her many times if she was sure and if she had any regrets after seeing her’s sister’s reaction, and she said she loves her sister and that the situation obviously sucks, but that love is love and that the love we have and the deep connection we have is very rare and that now that she had it, she would never let it go ever till she dies. I got those heart flutter feelings again and this time I was sober, and we didn’t even kiss, it was just her words. So that’s probably my final update, thank you for all your advice. &nbsp; **DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**
Almost 20 with no SSN or birth certificate
(Location: Northern SC) My parents were anti government and highly religious raising me and my younger sister. We still live together at our parent's house, unable to get jobs or driver's licenses etc due to the fact that we were born at home and never got birth certificates, there were no official witnesses other than my parents. I've been to the doctor a few times as a young child, but never on insurance, never been to school (homeschooled), never had ANY records of my existence. Best I have to give is my name and DOB written in a bible along with the brief doctor's records. I sent my info and now have the official birth record search proving no record was found, which from googling I was told was the first step? I don't have money for a lawyer at all, and no matter how much I've tried there are no free ones taking my case. Every lawyer or professional I've contacted for help (including scraping the money together to consult some) has called it extremely unusual. Please give any info on what to do, realistically. I've been trying for years, it's unbearable walking around feeling like I don't exist. Keep in mind I have a younger sister that just became an adult struggling with the same legal issues. Should I try SSN first? Should I petition the court myself? How? I'm so lost.
my boss thinks my employee is lying about having cancer
**my boss thinks my employee is lying about having cancer** **Originally posted to Ask A Manager** [Original Post](https://www.askamanager.org/2024/11/my-boss-thinks-my-employee-is-lying-about-having-cancer.html) **Nov 4, 2024** My operations manager, Burton, took me to one side on Friday to ask me whether I had seen any evidence that my employee, Belle, who had been off that week, really had cancer. I am now second-guessing every interaction and whether I have either been manipulated or been a horrible boss. Our team is part of a large nonprofit. Our current government-funded contract is to do work at a range of locations, so I rarely see my team face-to-face. On paper, Belle has not had a great year. She had to have her probation extended due to losing both parents in the space of a month, but I tried to make it clear that it was to give her a chance to recover at least a little from the loss. She passed and was doing fine until a month or so ago when she disclosed a cancer diagnosis. Which she then confirmed was stage 3, so I could prep HR for accommodations around her treatment plan. I asked for the dates of any appointments or any letters so I could book the leave for her without her having to take annual leave (we get very generous sick time in this country and with this company). I’ve asked multiple times. Burton has asked multiple times. HR has asked us to ask her to chase a missing reference. Every time I ask, Belle she says she will do it that day but then something else will happen or she will change the subject. I started to feel like I was pestering her, but we need to know when she is going to be in the hospital so we can support her and cover the work she is scheduled for. I asked her again at lunchtime today and she promised to email the documents “at some point today.” I fed this back to Burton and resumed my own appointments. Burton’s response was that something wasn’t right. At 4:45 pm, I received an email from Belle resigning with two weeks notice. Have I pushed someone who’s had a lot of gravel to shovel this year over the edge by pushing for limited medical info we need to be able to support her, or is Burton right and this bears further investigation? I have lost friends and relatives including a parent to cancer and I don’t know how I will react if it turns out she made it up. I also don’t know how I will react if it turns out Belle really is as ill as she says she is and just hasn’t sent the proof over because it makes it too real for her, and is resigning because work and all that has happened to her this year is too much. If Belle is lying, will it impact Burton’s opinion of me and my judgment? And what else might she have been lying about? I am in a pickle. [Update](https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-employee-is-lying-about-having-cancer-loud-coworkers-and-more.html) **Dec 1, 2025** Yes, this is an update to “My boss thinks my employee is lying about having cancer.” Yes, she was. She also lied about losing her parents. She is also now lying on LinkedIn about the dates she was working for us, with her end date a few months earlier than her resignation. It turns out the absences and poor performance were because she was using us as a prop while she made her side gig her main gig. The advice from you and the readers about how to handle the situation was really useful and gave me perspective on how to move on from the resignation, as well as how to manage the team’s response, so thank you to everyone for your support. Burton and I? We were both made redundant in a team restructure shortly after my letter was published, but we are both thriving elsewhere. In fact my new role is a significant step up in pay and responsibilities, in a field I am really passionate about, with a lovely team, so happy endings all round I guess! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** **DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7**
AITA for using an adult toy after my boyfriend asked me not to?
Throwaway for obvious reasons. I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (26M) for the past seven months. He is sweet, handsome, and very caring, but try as he might, he cannot make me come. After sex, he likes to take a shower before joining me in bed (I take mine the morning after), and in that time I use toys to satisfy myself. I never told him this, as I didn't think he would care, but about a month ago he found out and asked me to stop. He said it makes him insecure that he can't make me finish, and said that me using an adult toy makes him even more embarrassed. I stopped for a little while, but I began using it again recently. Yesterday, after sex, he got out of his shower early and walked in on me. We had a fight and I told him he was being selfish for only prioritizing his pleasure during sex. He told me that I was the selfish one for putting my desires over his feelings. While we have calmed down since, neither of us have apologized. I talked to my friends and they seem split on the issue. So Reddit, am I the asshole?
AITAH for taunting my ex's husband that all his bragging that he's as much my kids dad as I am has been proven wrong by them repeatedly?
Currently I (40m) have primary custody of my two children (13 and 15) who I had with my ex-girlfriend (40f). She left me when our 13 year old was 6 months old because, to quote her, she lost all respect for me when I was okay with being the stay at home parent while she worked. She said I was a joke and she wanted a real man who worked to provide for his family in a way that meant she could also work and childcare could be paid without it being a major hit to finances. It wasn't realistic for either of us but it's what she wanted so I found a way to let her work while the kids were cared for by me. The reason I'm bringing this up because I can accept that her view of me most likely shaped her husband's view of me. They got married when the kids were 5 and 3. They were together for around two years prior to that and starting when they got engaged after a year of being together, the husband started to complain about the unfair custody split. Our custody order stated 50-50 physical and legal custody. With Mother's Day for my ex and Father's Day for me. My ex decided a little while before we broke up that she didn't want to do Christmas anymore so I always got the kids for Christmas once we were broken up and that was detailed in the court order. We also had a right of first refusal in our court order that stated if we would be away from the kids for 4+ hours and they would be left with someone else, then we had to ask the other parent if they wanted that time with the kids. My ex's husband (even before he was her husband) complained that Father's Day was no longer mine alone because they now had two dads and he told me he was just as much their dad as me. He stated I needed to either split the day with him or alternate and that a judge wouldn't order it but I should do it because it's the right thing to do. He said the ROFR was bs once he was there because the kids should be allowed to stay with him if my ex was gone for several hours or even a couple of days (she left town frequently after we broke up for her job). The other point was Christmas. He celebrates it. My ex still doesn't. So the kids stayed with me even after he married her and he hated it. For years he would complain about it. He would tell me that the kids would see through me destroying their chance to have a second real dad and would pick him in the future. He told me my DNA didn't matter shit in this and he was a TRUE father. I was the sperm donor who put my feelings above theirs. When he would show up to Father's Day events at the kids activities, he would complain that the kids mostly ignored his presence and didn't include him or celebrate with him. He would try to get me to sit it out frequently and four times he was removed from these events. Several times he told me I wasn't a real man or father because I was weak, I was more like a mother, that I should ask myself if I was the kind of man I wanted my kids to look up to because from where he was standing I was no man. This would all happen in person when we showed up to the same events for the kids. We did not see each other at exchanges so this was not an issue there. My ex sided with her husband and cared about nothing else. A year ago my kids told me they wanted to live with me and they didn't want to do 50-50 anymore. I filed for a modification of the custody order and because the kids' voices were heard it was granted. My ex now gets the kids one weekend a month. The rest of the time they're with me. This has pissed her husband off so bad. He attempted to confront me with this the other week and instead of listening to him or moving away, I decided to taunt him back. A part of me wanted to stoop even lower and bring up that he has zero bio kids himself. But instead I brought up how his confidence and insistence that he was as much the kids dad as I am was proven wrong by them repeatedly. I told him to accept the fact he's not their dad and clearly he's not their beloved stepdad either and to leave me the fuck alone. He showed up to a practice my son had last week and he kept bringing it up and saying that's exactly why I'm a crappy dad. I kept moving away from him and he kept following me. It annoyed me. But I know I didn't exactly rise above it all when I said what I did. Which is why I figured I should ask AITAH?
My husband pees in bottles and doesn't throw it away
My husband and I are sharing a house with his family at the moment and sometimes he can't get to the shared bathroom in time if I or his brother is in there so he will pee in a bottle (sometimes an old juice or water bottle that is half full with its original contents, then I have to keep up with what is pee and what isn't). He leaves it and doesn't throw it away for over a week sometimes and I tell him how gross and disgusting it is that he won't dump it out or throw it away and he usually just says he will do it later. When we clean the room sometimes he will just throw away the full pee bottles in the trash eventually. It is really giving me the ick and I am obviously not going to dispose of his pee for him. I have an overactive bladder but when I have to pee and I can't get to the bathroom I have to hold it so why can't he?
AITA for wanting our will to provide equally between our shared children?
I brought considerably more assets into our relationship than my husband, about 15x more. I’ve always treated the money as equally belonging to us both. I felt like I further demonstrated this attitude when I said our will should leave equal amounts to all our shared children (seven in all). Now my husband has disowned two of his three children. Rather than share our estate equally between the now five children, he wants all the money that would have gone to his three children to now go to his one son (ie 3/7 of our total estate) and my four children will each get the same 1/7 we had originally planned. I’ve told him this doesn’t seem fair and he has gotten ugly about it.
AITA for correcting my coworker in front of others when they kept repeating a “funny story” about me that wasn’t true?
I (25F) work in a pretty relaxed office where people joke around a lot. I’m fine with that, but one of my coworkers, victor has a habit of telling stories that aren’t exactly accurate or never happened Most of the time it’s harmless just makes everyone laugh so I don’t say anything. The issue is a story victor keeps telling about something that never happened on my first week. According to victor I panicked during a meeting, sprinted down the stairs, and tried to open the emergency exit that triggers an alarm. Everyone always laughs whenever he tells this story which none of that ever happened. The only thing that happened on my first day was me asking victor where our team meeting was been held since I was new. There was no panic, no sprinting, no attempt to open anything. I only just asked, hey where do we go again? I let it slide the first couple of times because I figured he was trying to be funny. But it kept coming up even at a team lunch when our department head was there. I pulled victor aside afterward and told him I don’t like the story because it makes me look incompetent, and it wasn’t true. He brushed it off with telling me to relax it was just a harmless joke. last week We had a group of new hires shadowing our team, and someone mentioned safety procedures. Victor immediately jumped in with, speaking of safety, you guys should’ve seen kiki on her first week she practically tried to break down a door during the teem meeting, Everyone laughed, the new hires looked at me weird and i felt uncomfortable. I said, calmly and without any attitude Just to be clear that never happened. I’ve asked you before not to say that, Please stop telling that story politely. The room didn’t go awkward it just moved on. Later he messaged me saying I made him look like a liar and could’ve corrected him privately. I reminded him that I did address it privately, and it didn’t stop. He left me on seen. Now he’s been cold toward me at work, and a couple coworkers said they think victor feels embarrassed. I’m wondering if I handled it wrong or if he just didn’t expect to be called out when the story was about me and never happened. AITA for correcting him publicly after he ignored me asking him to stop?
My cousin picked the worst name for her baby
Using my side account because I dont want this on my main I never thought I would be posting in this sub but here we are 😭 my cousin announced she was pregnant in July and only recently told us the name she picked. It's so bad that when she texted the cousin group chat (yes, we have one of those) everyone stopped typing for a good 30 seconds before my cousin Lanie sent an audio message of her just laughing her ass off What is the name, you ask? How bad could it possibly be? Pipo. The name is Pipo. Except oh no! Apparently that wasn't good enough, so she had to alter the spelling! The kid is named Peepo. I wish I was joking. Now, for all I know, Pipo could be a perfectly normal name in another language or culture, but the issue is that shes white. The whole family is white as hell. She's white, her parents are white, our grandparents are white, I'm white the only one in the whole family that isn't a white American is my auntie and she isnt even super into her heritage. Plus, even if Pipo is a normal name, she still butchered it When we asked her where in the world she even got it from, she said its the name of one of her friend's kid's stuffed animals and she thought it was cute Everyone is kinda split. Most of us cousins think the name is awful along with my parents, her dad and my aunts and uncles also think it sucks but won't say anything to keep the peace, and her mom is defending it I've been trying to tell her that her poor child is gonna get bullied to hell in school but she won't have any of it. I cant stress enough that putting "pee" in your kids name is gonna cause problems Why isn't the father arguing with this, you're probably wondering? The kid has no dad. The father was one of her many boyfriends who bolted when they found she was pregnant and she hasn't heard from him since. Maybe its for the best I hope she comes to her senses before the baby gets here because I cannot call my nibling Peepo with a straight face 💀
AITA for not caring for/about my husbands favorite show
My husband watches a very very popular, long running tv show with a huge Fandom. Im not going to get into what show because it truly doesn't matter. I really dont have any interest in the show. I'm not a huge tv person, its a genre I dont enjoy and its been on so long it would take me months maybe years to work enough time into my schedule to watch it in its entirety. I have told my husband explicitly several times i dont enjoy this show enough to watch it. But my uninterest is always an issue with my husband. I dont care if he watches it, Ive literally bought him the shows merch as gifts. I will scroll on my phone or read if he turns it on. He will often get my attention and have me watch portions of the show and explain the lore. My response to these tid bits of info is NEVER enthusiastic enough for him. Even when I remember details hes told me, if I get 1 thing even slightly wrong he gets frustrated and offended. Never out right mean or angry but I often get "nevermind then if you're not going to care" in a huffy voice. Thats the thing though. I DONT care. Its gotten to the point I dont want to be in the room when hes watching it because I cant pretend to care enough. That sounds harsh but it is literally just this 1 show. We have several shows we watch together. Several he watches that I dont, that I dont mind paying attention to. I just dont like this show and I dont have enough brain power to commit SO MANY details about a show I dont like to memory. I cant tell if Im being an asshole by not putting in more effort for something he obviously really enjoys. Or if hes being an asshole for continuing to push this on me after ive shown my clear dislike for it. Editing to address the most popular comments. First of all: We've been together 12.5 years and married for 10. Those telling me to leave the room while he is watching: I do. He will stop me or call me back into the room to have me watch the show. I can be in the kitchen, headphones in, listening to a podcast, cleaning or doing whatever and he will interrupt me. What prompted this post was him stopping me to watch a 5 minute clip while I was actively going to do another activity. My hands were full of the things i needed for my activity as I was about to leave the room. I had to stop and sit down to watch. He got upset when I stopped looking at the screen for 5 seconds while I got all my various items settled as I sat. Because "you have to watch to understand what im talking about". Those saying I am not showing enough interests in his interests: I do not watch tv. He does. Its his way to relax and decompress. I didnt grow up watching a lot of tv and never really grew to enjoy it much. I can count how many shows i would chose to watch by myself on 1 hand. But every night we spend an hour to an hour and a half watching tv together. He picks the shows. If we never did it again I would miss the time spent with him but not the tv shows. I am a reader and a podcast listener. He doesnt listen to my podcasts or read books with me. He supports my hobbies by getting me nice headphones and a kindle but doesnt participate in it otherwise. That is enough for me. I feel like I am making an active decision to participate in his interests but because I cant enjoy this show its not enough. The much awaited for detail: the show is One Piece. Hes been a watcher long before we got together. No shame to those who love it. I just cant shove 25+ years and over 1000 episodes of details and story into my brain. I know those details matter to the show and I can't hang.
AITA. My nephew is living with me and not following the rules.
AITA for make my nephew 37 leave my home for not following my rules. He has been at my house since the end of July. The first rule was no drinking. Second rule was you have to get a job or at least work on getting your GED. He did good at first. He started having more and more issues with drinking. I have provided everything for him to try to do good but at this point he told me he doesn't need help. I have sent him phone numbers for rehabilitation. He said he doesn't need it he is fine. The problem is am not fine with it. My friend thinks I'm be to harsh on him and I need to teach him how to be an adult. I know it's winter whichdoes make me feel bad. He has taken money from me. I have to hide any kind of money I do have. He told me the liquor store give him free alcohol and finds bottles of wine behind the grocery store. I dont buy it but his Dad thinks he is telling the truth. He doesn't do anything around the house. He just stays in his room sleeps and drinks. No job and not working on his GED. He went after my daughter verbally the she is spying on him. Shes not she lives in my home also. Am I doing the wrong thing by making him leave.
Ich habe maßgeblich dazu beigetragen, dass jemand gekündigt wurde.
Throwaway Account, da ein paar meiner ehemaligen Kollegen meinen Account kennen. Ich drücke mich außerdem etwas schwammig aus und gehe nicht ins Detail. Anfang des Jahres habe ich aufgrund eines Umzuges in eine andere Stadt Job gewechselt. Ich war sowieso nie 100% zufrieden mit meiner Arbeit, bzw. mit den Kollegen. Ich hatte explizit eine Kollegin (ca. 40 Jahre alt), die einfach etwas gegen mich hatte. Sie hat mich nicht gemobbt oder so, ich habe aber mitbekommen, dass sie mich komplett anders behandelt als alle anderen, irgendwie kalt und rücksichtslos. Mir war früh bewusst, dass ich mich vor ihr in Acht nehmen muss, also blieb ich größtenteils auf Abstand. Mir fiel aber mit der Zeit auf, dass sie ziemlich viel Fehlverhalten an den Tag legt, angefangen mit Arbeitszeitbetrug (mehrere Raucherpausen ohne auszustechen, 2x 30 Minuten Kaffeepause, ohne auszustechen, Social Media am Arbeitslaptop,...), generelle Arbeitsverweigerung (schiebt ihre Arbeit zu Kollegen, geht aus Prinzip nicht ans Telefon,...), Alkohol am Arbeitsplatz und ihr "großes Projekt", an dem sie 2 Jahre arbeitete, war eigentlich gar nicht so groß, maximal 2 Stunden Aufwand pro Woche. Nach einer Aktion von ihr, die einen Rückschlag für das ganze Team mit sich zog (kann leider nicht genauer darauf eingehen), wusste ich, dass ich sie nicht mehr decken würde. Im Gegenteil. Ich fing an, ihr Fehlverhalten zu dokumentieren und Beweise zu sammeln. Letztendlich hatte ich an meinem letzten Arbeitstag ein 32-Seitiges Dokument, mit ihrem gesamten Fehlverhalten innerhalb von einem Jahr, ausgeschmückt mit Fotos, Videos und Mails als Beweis. Ich entschied mich letztendlich dagegen, das Dokument weiter zu geben, weil ich damit abschließen wollte. Vor ein paar Wochen hat mir dann einer meiner ehemaligen Kollegen geschrieben, dass die Situation auf Arbeit mit ihr langsam echt nicht mehr auszuhalten ist, weil ihr Verhalten immer schlimmer wird und der Chef einfach wegschaut. Er überlegte sogar, auch zu kündigen. Also habe ich in einer Kurzschlussentscheidung mein Dokument anonym an Chef, HR und Betriebsrat geschickt (ohne dem Kollegen oder irgendwem sonst Bescheid zu sagen). Nur eine Woche später schrieb mir mein Ex-Kollege, dass die Kollegin gegangen ist, nachdem das ganze Team zu Einzelgesprächen über sie mit HR-Kolleginnen geladen wurde und wie erleichtert er und alle anderen im Team seitdem sind. Ich bin mir ziemlich sicher, dass ich viel dazu beigetragen habe, dass es soweit gekommen ist und mir tut es für sie kein Stück weit leid.
MIL and SIL both make fun of our baby names, only to choose truly terrible names
To make a super long story short, I overheard my MIL and SIL on the phone talking about baby names and talking trash on my and my husband's chosen names. Here's a list of what I was able to overhear of what they think are 'cute' and I had to make sure I'm not the only one who thinks these are tragedeighs - Reign (but not Rain, they made sure to say that twice) - Saint - Thimoth (not Timothy) - True - Daphane (Da-fah-knee, not Daphne) - Talula - Chicago - Emericson - Aloise (not Eloise, but pronounced the same way) Edit: autocorrect was so taken aback by Chicago it capitalized it Edit 2: Forgot to add our baby names. Rain and Xavier (Rain for my husband's cousin he was close to growing up, and Xavier for the main character of a story I was writing back in high school)
Me [26F] with my husband [28M] and his "ex" [30F] - she just got hired at my office and it's causing problems
**I am not the OOP** **OOP is: u/tresrio** **Posted in: r/relationships** **Status: CONCLUDED** **1 update - Medium** [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4fln2z/me_26f_with_my_husband_28m_and_his_ex_30f_she/) **- April 20, 2016** [**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4gj4qx/update_me_26f_with_my_husband_28m_and_his_ex_30f/) **- April 26, 2016** --- # **Original** ^(April 20, 2016) --- [**Me [26F] with my husband [28M] and his "ex" [30F] - she just got hired at my office and it's causing problems**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4fln2z/me_26f_with_my_husband_28m_and_his_ex_30f_she/) My husband and I have been married for two years, together for eight years. Seven years ago he cheated on me with a repulsive woman who knew about me but still pursued him relentlessly because the challenge was fun. I found out by chance when he accidentally sent me a text that was meant for her. I cut contact and tried to move on but he was persistent and eventually we got back together. There was a drastic change in our relationship after that. He seemed to lose all interest in other women in general. He said that the time without me had been an eye opener and that he never wanted to feel like that again and wanted to better himself in every way possible. It took a long time for me to even remotely trust him again but it happened, with time. I thought I was over what had happened. My mom (everybody's best therapist right?) kind of pounded it into me that I had two options: break up and move on or get back together and work past it. What she was saying was that if I made the decision to be with him, we had to work past it. I couldn't be with him AND use this as some sort of tool or weapon to whip out whenever I wanted to over the years. And she was right - that wouldn't have worked. So we worked it out. Together. He never tried to excuse his actions which I appreciated and we both made changes and then we kind of.. grew up? We started from square one and built up from there. We bought a couple of houses, we got married and life was good. I didn't think about it much at all and when I did it was kind of in a "look how far we've come" sort of way. Like I said... I thought I was over it this whole time. Apparently I'm not. When I walked into my office last week, the first thing I see in the waiting room is the "other" girl's nasty face. She had been hired with my company and it was her first day. She has a very unique (pig-like) face that is impossible to forget. I didn't acknowledge her and went to my office but I couldn't concentrate. I don't want to be anywhere near this awful person. We work in the same department but on different "teams" so we will have pretty close contact on a day to day basis although not constant either. She's been in training so far so we haven't really talked at all. I've gotten multiple "accidental" friend requests from her on Facebook when she's creeping on my page so I know that she recognizes me. When my manager walked her around the office introducing her to people, I just kind of did the smile and nod in her direction. She smiled and winked. Nice. I'm not sure what to do. I feel sick just being near her. I see her face and I can't stop picturing it against my husband's. I've been mad at my husband on and off ever since she started at my office. I'm reliving the whole thing and I'm pissed that he did this to us and that I am in this situation now because of him. He hugs or kisses me and I pull away and I feel crazy that the reason for this is something that happened seven years ago. I did talk to him about it but I'm not sure what I expect from him. He's extremely sympathetic and apologizes profusely that I have to be near her. He keeps pointing out how much we have grown and how amazing our life has been and reminds me that he's a different person now. I walked into our room a couple nights ago and he was sitting on the bed crying because of "what he'd done to us"... I don't know what to do! I'm on a roller coaster in crazy town right now - I go from sick feeling to angry to sad to guilty for making HIM sad to angry again to crazy for being mad over something that I thought was so far behind me. He has encouraged me to "do what feels best" whether that be to continue working there or to quit. He's been supportive of either decision and pointed out that he could support us easily if I quit working altogether. I don't want to leave my job. I worked extremely hard to build my way up to my position. I earned it. I make good money and have amazing benefits. But I feel sick just thinking about being near her every day. Am I crazy here? What would you guys do if you were in my shoes? Am I seriously losing it to be upset about something that's seven years in the past? Input please :( tl;dr: husband cheated seven years ago. Other girl got hired at my office last week and I hate it :( &nbsp; **TOP/RELEVANT COMMENTS** **u/Assmouthorboth** (deleted account) >She was the past, plain and simple. Don't give her any power to spoil your life. She is not that important. > >A few years ago, my ex-wife got a job in my company, not as close in proximity to me as she was to you. It was horrible at first, we ended things with the worst horrible term possible and we have kids together. I didn't sleep a wink the night I found out she was a part of the company. Then I went to work, looked straight past her and started my day. A friend asked me why I seemed so calm and I told him, "The wife I knew was dead the day we divorced. That overthere is nothing but a stranger." And that's how I moved on. > >You and your husband have decided to start from ground zero seven years ago. There is no need to dig up the past. Consider that person dead and the woman you saw was nothing but a stranger. Good luck to you both. --- **u/Igor_Wakhevitch** >I can't imagine it will ever be anything other than awful working with her. The best and only option I can think of is to take the skills and experience you've picked up at your current job and take them to another. It sucks, but surely it beats any alternative? > >**OOP** >>*Honestly that probably does beat staying anywhere near her. Leaving just really bums me out. I love my office and I'm really lucky to have an amazing boss and flexible hours... and I feel like I worked so hard to get here just to throw it all away :(* --- **u/j--Brick** >...This belongs in a "fuck my life" post. I feel for you... but the reality is.. she never owed you a thing. Its not her fault what your husband did... its his and only his. This anger belongs with him... and she is just an outlet for it. At the end of the day, even though it is ridiculously hard... you need to realize that she's done nothing to you that you need to forgive at this current moment. She was a stranger in your life and she owes you no apologies. Your husband cheated on you... it could have been with any other woman... it just so happened to be with her. > >**OOP** >>*I definitely put the blame on both of them. I just don't consider actively pursuing someone whose SO you have met and know all about to be innocent or blameless.* >> >>**u/Femme0879** >>>I agree with both of you. I'd rather focus on how she's acting now. And she definitely is coming off like an ass the way she smiled and winked at you. I'd just steer clear and work through things with my husband >>> >>>**OOP** >>>>*Yeah her actions now are in my eyes indicative of the kind of person that she is. She's clearly very proud of herself.* --- **u/j--Brick** >She wasn't the one in a relationship with you... he was. So what did she exactly do to slight you? And, are you taking HIS word for it that she was pursing him? This is going to continue to eat at you and fester at you and you will continue to despise her.... but where is that going to get you? > >**OOP** >>*She actively pursued my SO despite knowing that he was with me. I'm not saying she is the ONLY one at fault.. just that she isn't innocent. And yes - after I found out about what was going on he gave me his phone to see the extent of it. She was very pushy and extremely manipulative. For example - claiming to need him RIGHT NOW because her boyfriend had hit her and she was stranded at the dude's house and needed someone to take her home and "be with her". This was in fact false but my husband had previously turned her down when she asked to see him so she came up with this. Like I said - he's at fault as well - but she isn't innocent.* --- **u/croatanchik** >I mean, if you've been there for a long time, I'd probably start with HR. I'd also start looking for a new job anyway. And since I'm kind of petty like that, I'd probably tip off the entire office as to what kind of trash she is on my way out. > >**OOP** >>*I'm not really sure what I would go to HR about, though. That she has slighted me personally? That doesn't necessarily speak to her work ethic at all so I don't really want to get any higher ups involved. Ya know? In my mind she is an extremely disgusting waste of person but maybe she's a great employee. I doubt she's good at anything except for being literally more disgusting than dog shit on the bottom of a shoe but maybe I'm a little bit biased..* --- # **Final Update - 2 weeks later** ^(April 26, 2016) --- [**UPDATE: Me [26F] with my husband [28M] and his "ex" [30F] - she just got hired at my office and it's causing problems**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4gj4qx/update_me_26f_with_my_husband_28m_and_his_ex_30f/) First I want to thank everyone for your advice and replies. I read everything and I tried to respond to as many as I could. One thing that I wanted to clear up is that my husband never slept with whats-her-face. I realize how that was implied when I said he cheated but that didn't happen. They hooked up - sans actual intercourse. And yes I know that beyond any possible doubt so no reason to speculate there. Anyway - on to the update. She got fired. Turns out Miss Crazy Pants used me as a reference to get the damn job! I had decided to not say anything about her to my boss because I figured, hey - what the fuck ever. Like u/Assmouthorboth so skilfully pointed out - she's the past. She's nothing. She doesn't matter. So I had decided to leave it alone and let her fail on her own. That didn't take long. My boss was in my office talking about Crazy Pants' performance when she said, "I'll be completely honest, Tresrio, she's not exactly how you described her." I had no clue what boss was talking about so I asked her to elaborate and she said, "well when I asked you about her before we hired her, you described a much different performance level than what I've seen so far. Does she usually take awhile to adjust and get into the flow of things?" By this time I was completely lost. I know for a fact I have never mentioned Crazy Pants to my boss and I've definitely never talked about her work ethic or performance to anyone at all - unless it's been talking about her grade A performance at being a hooker. Actually no - I wouldn't insult a hooker with such a disgusting comparison. Anyway... My boss looked at my blank stare and said "are you forgetting this whole conversation? A few weeks before we hired her I asked for your reference..? You said she was a team player and a great asset?" Well fuck me. I DID refer someone when the position opened up. And when my boss asked for my reference, it was super off the books. Very laid back and informal. I think her exact words back then were "so tell me about the woman you referred. I got her resume and she looks great on paper - but how is she as a person?" And I answered.... in reference to the ACTUAL woman that I referred. Turns out Crazy Pants really is that crazy. She must have gotten my employment info off of my Facebook like so many of you pointed out (I hadn't even thought of that before... I've since changed my privacy settings) and decided to apply to fuck with me or something. I have no clue what her end game was. She probably wanted me to get the reference request from my boss WITH her name actually said just to mess with me or let me know that she's watching. I don't know if she actually expected to be hired. Doesn't matter now because she got suuuuper fired and probably needs a psyche eval. I don't know. Don't care. She isn't worth worrying about. She's blocked from all of my social media accounts and our building security already has record of fired employees to keep an eye out for. If I hear from her or see her again then I'll look into legal protection from her crazy ass. But for now I'm letting the whole thing go. Bye, Felicia. tl;dr: Crazy Pants really is crazy. She got fired and I'm moving on. &nbsp; **TOP/RELEVANT COMMENTS** **u/iamjustjenna** >Damn, OP. Can you give us more details about what went down with your boss once you realised the misunderstanding? Was your boss super pissed? > >**OOP** >>*She was VERY pissed. She went and got Crazy's resume and brought it to me to verify that it was me on the reference section. Then I told her the name of the person that I ACTUALLY referred and she got that person's resume out too so I could verify which was the right person. I gave her the resume of the correct person (that one didn't have any names in the reference section) and told her that I actually had personal issues with Crazy in the past and that I'm guessing that is why she knew where I worked but neither of us could figure out why she would put me as an actual reference? My boss could have easily said "I want to talk to you about your reference for Crazy Pants" instead of just saying "the woman you referred"* >> >>*It was the weirdest order of events to end up here. But once we looked at both resumes and cleared up who was who, she called Crazy into her office and asked her to leave immediately. She told her basically that it wasn't a good fit and that she would have given her longer to work out if it hadn't been for the blatant lying on her resume.* >> >>**u/BringingSassyBack** >>>and how did Crazy react to that? >>> >>>**OOP** >>>>*I have no clue, honestly. She seemed to leave without much of a fuss. Neither my office nor me or my husband have gotten any contact from her at all so she's either biding her time like a fucking lunatic or she's just moved on. Who knows.* --- **u/riftwave77** >Ugh. Your writing is unclear and ambiguous. Some of us have no idea what your informal reference has to do with this other girl having gotten the job > >**OOP** >>*I have no clue how it's unclear. There was a position at my company that became available. I told a friend to apply. At the same time, Crazy Pants also applied and put my name as a reference on her resume and in the initial email that she sent to my boss when she sent her resume. My boss comes into my office and says "tell me a little bit more about the woman you referred" and I answer the question assuming she means my friend who I told to apply. Since I only told one person about the position, it was safe to assume my boss was asking about that person when she asked me to tell her about "the woman I referred". She was not asking about my friend. My friend did not put me as a reference or include my name at all when she applied (I don't know why.) My boss was actually asking about Crazy Pants. So when I gave her my informal reference, we were talking about two different people and neither of us knew there was a confusion because we both thought there was only one person we could have been talking about. Make sense?* --- **OOP replied to a deleted comment** >*Yes, the person I actually did recommend has an interview next week :) my husband is glad she's gone but he wasn't really shocked to hear that she actually put me as a reference on her resume. He knew she was nuts and he actually wants to get a restraining order but I'm going to hold off on that.* --- **u/goldt33f** >Wow, what a psycho. That is laughably hilarious but also scary. Who does shit like this? What a petulant human being. > >**OOP** >>*Right? It never crossed my mind before my last post that she had even applied for my office JUST because I worked there. I just figured it was a coincidence. New levels of crazy I guess..* --- **u/americangame** >So, question. How did she get fired? Other than a bad reference? > >**OOP** >>*She just wasn't a good employee. She didn't even interview that well but they thought that SHE was the person I had recommended so they sort of trusted what they thought was my judgement and went for it. Aside from being a bad employee, she lied to gain employment which is actually a fireable offense at my work anyway.* >> >>**u/JustLurkingAround** >>>I don't understand how she lied to gain employment. She put your name down as a reference and you and your boss screwed up -- its not like she wrote a fake recommendation letter. >>> >>>Not that it matters, sounds like she was a bad employee and a worse person. >>> >>>**OOP** >>>>*The email that she sent when she sent her resume referred to her references (me and others) as previous coworkers. We have never worked together.* &nbsp; **I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.** **Please remember the** [**No Brigading Rule**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/wiki/index/rules/#wiki_1._zero_tolerance_for_brigading) **and to be** [**civil**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/wiki/index/rules/#wiki_4._do_not_harass_the_boru_contributors_or_other_users) **in the comments**
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